Yes, my readers!! If you thought the first page of Ulysses was most difficult.. then you should read it in Snoop Doggy Dog format.

-- I --

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THA STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror 'n a razor lay crossed." A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, wuz sustained gently behind tha dude's ass by da mild morning izzle n' shit. Tha dude held da bowl aloft 'n intoned:

--INTROIBO AD ALTARE DEI, know what I'm sayin'?

Halted, tha dude peered down da dark winding stairs 'n called out coarsely:

--Come up, Kinch! Come up, yo' ass fearful jesuit!

Solemnly tha dude came forward 'n mounted da round gunrest." Tha dude faced 'bout 'n blessed gravely thrice da tower, da surrounding land 'n da awaking mountains n' shit. Then, catching sight of Stephen Dedalus, tha dude bent towards tha dude's ass 'n made rapid crosses in da izzle, gurgling in tha dude's throat 'n shaking tha dude's heezee." Stephen Dedalus, displeased 'n sleepy, leaned tha dude's arms on da top of da staircase 'n looked coldly at da shaking gurgling face that blessed tha dude's ass, equine in its length, 'n at da light untonsured hair, grained 'n hued like pale oak, know what I'm sayin'?

Buck Mulligan peeped an instant under da mirror 'n then covered da bowl smartly."

--Back barracks! tha dude be like sternly n' shit.

Tha dude added in a preacher's tone:

--For this, O dearly beloved, is da genuine Christine: body 'n soul 'n blood 'n ouns n' shit. Slow music, please n' shit. Shut yo' eyes, gents." One moment." A little trouble 'bout those white corpuscles." Silence, izzall n' shit.

Tha dude peered sideways up 'n gave a long slow whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, tha dude's even white teeth glistening here 'n there wit gold points, know what I'm sayin'? Chrysostomos, know what I'm sayin'? Two strong shrill whistles answered through da calm n' shit.

--Thanks, old chap, tha dude cried briskly." That will do nicely." Switch off da current, will yo' ass?