Kristof, What the Fuck?

Alright, I can't help it.. this recent Op-Ed by Nick Kristof at the Times is a little bizarre. Read:

If the latest in the "Left Behind" series of evangelical thrillers is to be believed, Jesus will return to Earth, gather non-Christians to his left and toss them into everlasting fire.

Well, yes, Krissy, that's exactly what the Bible says will happen. Isn't it? I got bored reading it (the Bible, not Kristof's bit) so I quit. I'll have to defer to my more Bible-learned associates to comment on what technically awaits non-believers. Point being, Nick is, quite frankly, 'krissed off' and seems almost offended by the suggestion that Christians believe non-Christians won't be going to the big, happy Christian Heaven (They fucking invented it! They can invite whoever they want.)

Nick doesn't seem to grasp that a lot of Christians, seemingly, literally believe what they say they believe. (Well, hahahaha, we won't get into technicalities like do they literally believe everything in the Bible. Maybe just the big points like Commandments, Heaven, Jesus, and non-partial-believers-going-to-Hell.) My beef isn't with God fearing salt of the earth simpletons (I'm not looking to rain on their parade.) My sticking point is with Mr. Kristof. You should know better than to make such naive statements like, "That's not what America stands for, and I doubt that it's what God stands for." There's no room for the brainiac, God-concept you have stuffed in that noggin of yours, Nick. This is true blue King James edited, translated holy writ from God shit. Non-believers have a special place in Hell.

NOTE: My King James Bible reference is supposed to point out that the quote Word of Fucking God end-quote was edited up and crappily translated by some pudgy fingered Brit. Read this for some filler on this topic. And, don't go on telling me about how, "It's the thought that counts" or "The true spirit of our Lord's word is still there." Serious Bastard doesn't need to hear dull shit like that.